Let’s be honest here for a moment; there are days when I am utterly exhausted…like I don’t even want to lift my fork to my mouth to eat dinner kind of tired. I know you’ve felt it; you’ve been there. Life can be incredibly challenging; however, the lens of social media often leaves those moments undocumented. Instead, we get this shiny, fake idea that there are people out there who have it all figured out. Yes, some of us get along better than others, but I am here to tell you that it’s okay to be imperfect and embrace the chaos.
The Reality of Parenthood
Today, I am talking to you, parents. As I sit here, typing amidst the remnants of breakfast chaos and a to-do list that never seems to shrink, I know I’m not alone in feeling like parenting is a high-wire act.
Every day, we face a barrage of expectations—some self-imposed and others voiced by society—that suggest we should effortlessly spin every plate without ever letting one wobble. We are expected to work full-time jobs in careers we love, have a side hustle to showcase our creativity, and be the perfect parent who makes homemade meals from scratch daily while shuttling our children to every event, game, and performance. Not to mention, we have to have time to exercise, meditate, take the dog to the vet, and hand-sew a Halloween costume…let alone remember to sleep.
Here, in this shared space, let’s take a breath and acknowledge the truth: it’s tough, really tough. While glossy images of perfect family life are pervasive, they're not the complete picture. Let’s peel back the curtain and talk honestly about the messy, beautiful reality of parenting.
The Struggle with Flexibility and Time
Navigating the demands of work and family often feels like a tug-of-war, especially when your job lacks flexibility. As someone fortunate enough to have a somewhat adjustable schedule, I deeply recognize the struggle faced by parents whose jobs adhere strictly to the clock. The guilt of not being present enough for your children due to rigid work hours can be overwhelming, and it’s compounded by the sheer physical exhaustion of trying to manage everything.
It’s not just about attending every school play or making it to soccer practice—although those moments are important. It's about the missed everyday interactions, bedtime stories, and meals together. For parents who don’t have the option to adjust their work hours, the pressure is immense and often leads to a crushing sense of inadequacy.
Today, I want to highlight the crucial importance of acknowledging that we all face different challenges based on our circumstances. The balancing act is precarious, whether it’s needing to leave early to catch a recital or staying late at the office to meet a deadline. Offering understanding and support to each other, regardless of our work situations, is vital. We’re all trying to do our best within our constraints, and sometimes, just getting through the day is a victory.
How to Get Small Wins for Connection and Mental Health
Acknowledging an issue is the first step to making a change. If you feel like you’re constantly spinning plates but are on the brink of them falling on your face, now is the time to take proactive action and make minor changes to get those small wins that can compound into a happy overall life.
For me, finding pockets of time for connection and mental health has become a cornerstone of maintaining balance. However, it's more than just sneaking moments out of my schedule; it is about making Intentional Margins to do so, especially regarding building and maintaining social connections. Let me hit the science here for a minute to show you that the long-term benefits of such practices are not just anecdotal.
Harvard Study States Relationships are Greater Indicators of Long-Term Health
The Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the world’s longest studies of adult life, underscores the profound impact of relationships on our health and happiness. Initiated in 1938, this study followed individuals over decades, providing compelling evidence that the quality of our relationships significantly influences happiness and health. Dr. Robert Waldinger, the study's director, highlighted in a TED Talk that the level of satisfaction people felt in their relationships at age 50 was a better predictor of healthy aging than their cholesterol levels.
This groundbreaking research reveals that nurturing close relationships is crucial—not just for emotional fulfillment but as a pivotal factor in our physical health and longevity. It's a powerful reminder that while caring for our bodies is essential, fostering strong bonds with others is equally important.
Incorporating these small yet impactful activities into our routines might seem challenging amidst a packed schedule, but it’s about making intentional choices. Prioritizing these moments can mean setting aside time each morning to sit with a spouse drinking coffee before the day begins (one of my favorite things when my husband works from home is a few minutes of coffee time after the kids are at school), or scheduling regular meet-ups with friends. It’s about recognizing that these connections are not just leisure activities but vital to our overall well-being.
For busy parents, this might mean involving their children in these activities—perhaps a walk becomes a family affair, or coffee with a friend includes playtime with the kids. By doing so, you not only care for your own personal connections but also model healthy social habits for your children.
The essence of the message from the Harvard study and my personal experience is clear: cherish and nurture your relationships. They are the bedrock of a happy, healthy life.
Be Imperfect - Prioritizing What Truly Matters
So what about mental health? In reality, mental health is represented differently in all of us – what works for me may not work for you. However, I can give you myself as an example. For my mental health, I prioritize sleep. It's the only time I really breathe, and I have strict rules about my sleep that everyone now knows to respect.
Beyond sleep, I’ve been trying to do more lately. For example, I have been trying to set aside 10-30 minutes of deep thought to my day early in the morning before my house becomes a chaos factory. I’ve found it allows me to organize my thoughts and gear myself up for the day. Another thing I’ve been doing is making sure to go outside every day – even if it is just five minutes of walking through the backyard or a quick jaunt around the block.
Lastly, I have deeply explored what I value most—family, health, and meaningful work. For me, it’s about investing deeply in these areas and being okay with letting lesser priorities slide. Perfection isn't the goal; progress is.
As parents, we often set unrealistic standards for ourselves, driven by a fear of falling short. What I know for sure is that we can't do it all, and we are likely hardest on ourselves. However, the real victory lies in embracing imperfections and focusing on making substantial gains in areas that genuinely matter. This approach not only alleviates my overwhelming stress most of the time but also enhances my overall satisfaction and well-being.
It's Okay to Be Imperfect and Ask for Help
There is a reason the phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” has been around for centuries—it’s true. Navigating parenthood and life's demands is undeniably challenging, but it's a journey we don't have to walk alone.
Building a community of support with other parents can be transformative. Sharing our struggles, successes, and strategies in forums or local groups creates a sense of solidarity and shared understanding. Not only do these interactions offer fresh perspectives, but they provide mutual encouragement and sometimes a helping hand we needed but didn’t know how to ask for.
Remember, sharing when life feels like a dumpster fire is okay. Engaging in open dialogues about the ups and downs of balancing life helps us feel less isolated in our experiences; the relief of knowing we are not alone can be enough to make us take the next step forward.
What Should I Do?
Remember, it is okay to be imperfect. It’s okay not to have all the answers. It is okay to feel lost. It is okay to ask for help. It’s okay to be imperfect.
We all struggle, and we all do our best to get by. We just need to take it one day at a time.
So, I encourage you to reach out, share your journey, and lean on the community around you. Together, we can lighten our loads and find greater joy in our daily lives.
In the meantime, get a dose of happiness delivered straight to your inbox. Subscribe to our newsletter, delivered twice a month. Plus, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram.
Your Intentional Day, the daily sheet is coming your way!
Click HERE to access this free guide!
Comments